People pleasing is a little like those cleans you do when you’ve someone important coming to visit.

You know the kind.

You find yourself frantically shoving things in cupboards, behind sofas and under beds in an attempt to give only a curated, sanitised impression of how you live, of who you are.

(What do you mean like the one I did before this photoshoot?! I always look like that when I read…* ahem *)

Except people pleasing is more like doing those cleans so often that they become habitual. The norm.

Your once cherished possessions are left to languish in the dusty dark. Maybe they’ll eventually get thrown out to make space for someone else’s something else. Maybe one day you’ll wake to realise you’ve accidentally painted the whole place white. Whoops… but it is easier this way…

People pleasing is a reflexive, habitual, misguided obligation that not only denies our true selves but keeps us risk averse, desperately clutching control and so far from present that we might as well not be in the room.

Because it isn’t driven by the truth of the here and now. It’s steered by the fears of the past.

It’s a block. And it disconnects us. Not only from ourselves but actually from others too.

And if you’re exercising that block daily in your life how can it not be affecting how you approach your work? How can it not be affecting your ability to show up as an artist? How can it not be affecting your art?

I see this all the time in my work: actors fixated on getting it right. Am I using the right process?! Is this the right technique? The right way to act? Is this the right action? objective? obstacle? Is this the right sound for this accent? Is the right camera angle for my self tape?

But our aim as artists isn’t to get things right. There is no right. Right is a myth.

Our aim is to move past that misplaced notion of right or wrong. To focus instead on connection and truth.

Our aim is to follow our impulses.

People pleasing prevents us from doing this.

We need to shake that shit off.

As artists we want to put our energy on things that open the channels of connection.

And only by connecting with ourselves can we create the possibility for genuine connection with others.

Trying to be right; accepted; seen; seen as good, keeps us from being who we are.

And it keeps us from being the artists we want to be.

Because if we’re not allowing ourselves to listen to and act on our impulses in our lives, it’s highly unlikely that we’re doing so in our art.

Legendary acting teacher, Sanford Meisner, famously said,

“Acting is living truthfully under imaginary circumstances.”

So, if that’s our goal, don’t you think aiming to do it in real life might be a pretty good place to start?

The work, then, is about reconnecting with yourself. And getting in the habit of being true to that self.

We need to practice following our impulses in our daily lives. We need to learn to listen to and value them.

And we do this by starting small. By getting curious about who we really are and what we actually want.

We dip a toe by asking ourselves, every day,

What do I want for myself today?

Not, what do I need to do today?

Not, what should I do today?

Not, what is expected of me today?

But, what do I want for myself today?

And we listen for the answers.

We listen for the small voice that maybe says something like, I’d like ten minutes for myself, to feel my hands in the soil and the sun on my face… or I’d love to bake a batch of cherry scones or I’d like to make plans for a hike in the mountains this weekend.

The listening might feel a little like excavating at first.

That voice and its wants might be hiding under a hell of a lot of shoulds.

But we stick with it. And we listen.

And we act on what it tells us. In small, simple ways.

And we pay attention to how that makes us feel.

How does that feel in my body?

Does that feel good? Okay. I’ll have more of that then, please.

It’s a practice.

It takes patience, discipline, courage and self compassion.

But art is a practice.

A process of discovery.

And discovery requires curiosity.

And the curiosity starts with you.

With embracing and acknowledging all of you.

By paying attention to and accepting what is going on for you.

Allowing whoever you are today to just be.

That’s the practice.

The discovery of you.

Being true to you.

Because from that truth comes connection.

From that truth you are open and ready to receive.

And beautiful, messy art can be born.

P.S. Connecting you to your truest voice is the cornerstone upon which my Discover > Explore > Embody & Connect voice programmes are built. There are versions for actors and non actors alike. Because we all deserve to please ourselves ;)

PLEASE YOURSELF.